Timing Is Everything

When I met Dave, I was coming off of a year-long relationship sabbatical. I made a conscious effort to NOT get seriously involved with anyone until I could get to a point where I was ok being alone. I had ended a relationship in 2007 that left me emotionally shattered and unsure of myself. I needed to spend some quality time figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be, both in and out of a romantic relationship.

The catalyst for Romantic Rehab turned out to be my job at Clark. I wasn't looking for a new job exactly. I wasn't completely unhappy with my work at The Cock, but just had the vague, underlying feeling that I would be happier somewhere else. I half-heartedly sent them my resume but didn't expect anything to come of it.

After the shock of getting hired wore off, I had a realization: They hired me because they think I can do the job. As simplistic as this epiphany was, it gave me a much-needed jolt of confidence. Hey! I got a job that I applied for! If I can do that, maybe I can do other things too... Maybe I don't have to settle for dating emotionally unavailable men! Maybe I deserve to be with someone who adores me and makes me happy!*

A few months into my new life, I also realized that not being in a relationship was... fine. I woke up every day, went to a job I didn't hate, made a lot of new friends and just generally enjoyed myself. I got re-hooked on rock climbing and yoga which served to boost my confidence even higher. I can climb 5.11! (sometimes) I can hold chaturanga dandasana without falling on my face! (sometimes) I can be SINGLE AND HAPPY, DAMMIT! Only this time, it was actually true. I wasn't trying to convince myself that I was ok. I was ok! For the first time in years, I was truly content with my life.

I still wasn't actively looking for a boyfriend, however. I dated some, here and there, but nothing serious or lasting. I refused to be sucked into anything less than amazing just for the sake of being in a relationship. I no longer needed someone else's approval to feel good about myself, I had plenty of legitimate reasons to like me and no reason to settle for something that wasn't quite right.

When Dave and I (finally!) got together, the timing could not have been better. I was happy with my life as it was, and not looking for a boyfriend to complete me. The more time we spent together, the more I realized that this was a far, far cry from anything I had ever experienced. Not only was I happier than I had ever been, but I didn't have to change anything about myself to be in a relationship. We loved each other BECAUSE of the things that make us US (flaws, quirks, personality) rather than IN SPITE OF THEM. Dave commented once that he wished we could have met each other earlier. Not me. I'm glad he didn't know me in my Tumultuous Twenties when I was half-crazy and struggling with my sense of self. I'm glad we met when I was the Most Me I've Ever Been.

Returning from a recent trip to Niagara Falls, after spending the better part of two days in the car, we got to talking about what makes this relationship different from others that we have been in. Somewhere outside of Albany, Dave came up with what I think sums it up perfectly: Neither of us is giving anything up to be together.

*In the spirit of full disclosure, I also read "Better off wed?: Fling or Ring--How to Know Which Finger To Give Him" which is the only self-help book that didn't make me want to jab my eyes out.